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Below are the 10 most recent journal entries recorded in the "kaji_katsuragi" journal:[<< Previous 10 entries]
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02:50 am
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sad and upset over something stupid
=s I just found out Tricia was playing D&D with friends.. and learing the game from them about few days after she said that she would let me teach her :( It makes me sad that she's doing it because we're going to have alot that bonds us together, and I know love is a major one that bonds us but I want more then just anime that also is a tie together, with stuff kinda ilke that when we get together to make the ties stronger and all. And it also upsets me that another kinda promise was broken cause she's gonna know everything by the time she gets here..
Yeah I know it's stupid to be upset over something like this, but to me it's not cause I really realy really wanted to teach her and when she said that maybe I should when I found out she was going to play I got really really really excited that I would be able to teach her but it really hurts that I won't be able to teach her because she'll know everything by the time she gets down =s and yeah .... I'm kinda getting used to being upset now and I don't know why it bothers me anymore but it does
*down and depressed a little* night all :(
Current Mood:  sad
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04:55 am
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Angry and I don't know what other feelings
...I like the fact that Tricia is now hanging out with friends.. I just wish she would follow through with the promises she has made me over the past week. Because everynight she promises to call on her way home, or that we'll talk the next night after she gets home from work. We've talked twice I believe on the im in a week, one time was only for an hour and yeah...
-_- I don't want her to sound bad or anything I just really need to get this off my chest, and it's the fact that she doesn't call me afterwork when she's at a friends house and I get worried as hell, for instance last night I don't even know if she planned on calling me and I ended up calling at 2 because I was going out of my fucking mind with worry, we talk for a little bit as she's going home and we talk what we normaly talk about and all -_-
again I'm not tryin to make her look bad or anything but a forinstance she calls me at 1230 once she got off tonight and we talked for a few mins then she said she had to go get her check and all, then she said she'd go cash it and then start heading home and call me then -_-... what happens... 300 rolls around I haven't gotten a call -_- damnit this makes me depressed, and angry and a mix of emotions -_-
It also makes part of me feel that A: Her friends are trying to split us up for some reason, or B: her friends and her are making plans on staying away from me :/, but that's only part..
....and YAY for another sleepless night tonight.... almost 48 hours and only 2 hours of sleep gotten
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12:56 am
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-_- *depressed*
-_- I did it again.... I upset freinds cause I couldn't hold my fucking tounge... I probably damanged my relationship with Tricia.. now I know why my parents say I'm nothing... because their right.. and I don't think anyone can make me feel otherwise at this point..
I'm horrible.. I'm inconsiterate... and I don't watch what I say.. I guess I learned jack shit at St. John's... -_- *Cries* -_- everything that happened tonight is my fault... I shouldn't have hung out so much with Katelyn and Emily, friends of mine, and that wouldn't have made Tricia jealous ... then they wouldnt' have thought they needed to back off as friends.... and then I wouldn't have said what I did to all three -_-
to top it all off I feel even more horrible about what words were traded with Katheryn... -_- even more so with what was traded between her and Tricia.. -_- after al this I realized that I'm nothing more then a weak man -_- whocan't do anything with his own life..... -_- which is why I'm feeling the way I am now and probably also stabbed gouges into my friendships and relationships...... which is making me think about ending it all again....
*added later*
and Katelyn -_- like I said in the last offline I left you I'm really sorry for what I said about the jobs and all -_- I wasn't fully thinking when I put that down and like the idiot I am I hurt you. you don't have to fogive me cause I understand if you don't
Current Location: void
Current Mood: nor can any emotion....
Current Music: no song can discribe how I feel
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02:38 am
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-_-
God damnit how dare that fucking little whore even think about talking to me jesus christ >_< first that bitch breaks my heart by saying she loved me but didnt love me love me, >_< then she has the freaking gall to even talk to me after that >_< I swear I'll freaking smack her if she even thinks about meeting me.
>_< My heart was crushed from that moment she broke up with me over the phone, because she was to fucking much of a wuss to do it face to face after how much I was wiling to sacrafice for her, and she also dares to fucking say she never said she loved me nor discussed marrage with me >_< FUCK!! now I'm going through a rage filled massive fucking depression and >_< DAMNIT no one's here to hold me and hug me >_< God DAMNIT!! -_- I fucking hate her... -_- I hate her so much for what she did to me.....*cries*.....
Current Location: ....back in my personal hell -_-
Current Mood:  depressed and rage
Current Music: Tenchi Muyo! TV Theme
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12:28 am
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another one liner clearly expressing how I feel
extremely uberly depressed
Current Mood: depressed
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04:46 am
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*sigh*
Damned freaking knees -_- *sigh* it's now 4:48, 13 mins before I would 'wake up' -_- If I was able to go to sleep -_- didn't get a wink and struggled for a long time -_- damn it and now I have to work 14 hours... and at 11:25 exactly I'll be up for exactly 24 hours with no sleep -_- damn it this sucks
Current Mood:  drained
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01:34 am
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This sucks....
T_T it's 134am and I can't get to sleep cause my knees hurt like hell.. and I have to wake up at 5am... T____T GOD THIS SUCKS!!!!!!!!! and I have to work from 7am to 9 pm T_T Damn it why can't I get to sleep T_T I'm gonna be so crabby at work today I know it and it isn't good cause the boss of our District Manager is coming in today T_T
Current Mood:  stressed
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08:50 pm
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My Parents, I'm sick of them, hate them, and who needs them
Tonight signaled the last freaking straw with my damned parents. I've had it with them, first they make every single moment of my life a living hell, they take three years of my life away at St Johns, when stuff happened there to me they didn't give one shread of care, and now their after my humanity.
But they also want to destroy my relationship again as well. For instance when I went to see my sisters ballet play afterwards when the older girls passed by me as I waited for my sister, and when she came from backstage and we all walked to the car this was the exact freaking words that uttered from my mothers mouth, "You know Nick, if you actualy took care of yourself making yourself look better, I know all those girls would have been all over you."
I swear to god I felt like bitching her out right there because not only does she know about me and Tricia, and how much I love her, but I'm 21 the oldest girl there was 16 or 17. Also when I was in Utah in Feb my parents called me every night to check up on me and then asked "If you want to just come home tell us and we'll reschedule your flight." >< God I can't say how much I hate them.
Now their demanding that I pay them ahead of time for insurance and also for my mom's computer, which she broke and blamed on me, and they know I'm in financial difficulty, and that I need $600 plus to see Tricia in Aug. but no do they give a damn about anything in my life, NO! they don't >< *growls* also borrowed money from my sis and left an IOU to her promising to pay her back double of what I borrowed so I could send out a package to Tricia today, I tell my sister when she got home in hopes she wouldn't tell anyone, and then she tells my mom, who then tells my dad over the phone and the Bastard who thinks he's God, went balistic on me hitting all of my buttons to piss me off. It's like they want to kick me out of the house and make my life nothing I beleive that's their goal and nobody is going to convince me otherwise.
>< I'm done with my ranting for now...
Current Mood:  beyond belief
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12:28 am
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sorry for the long wait between posts
well it's now the wee early moments of Febuary 7th -_- the last full day to be with Hikari -_- *sadness* and shes..... well she's probably going to post that herself in her post -_- and I feel like a jerk cause of it as well. It was the only reason why I was hesitating on going to where she lives in the first place -_- because I didnt' want her to be sad when I had to go -_- stupid money, stupid governemnt and every damned thing on this planet wanting money for something, if it wasn't for those three freakin things I'd more then likely be staying here for the rest of my life with her, and then going to see my sis once ever other month or every month for a few days -_- damnit I hate this.
I loved being with her and every moment with her was a paradise in itself, all of her family likes me >.> well I think except for her mom's boyfriend, from what her mom told me I don't know if it's a dislike for me in general or just my carrer choice, what's wrong with being a teacher -_- *sigh*............................................ I'm stating to hate myself again and I hate that, here I am watching over her and waiting for her to go to sleep before I do so I know she's ok and won't do anything -_- and I feel like a jackass doing that because she wants me to go to sleep since I'm tired.
-_- I just want to stay with her longer even a few more days would do, but -_- alas the workforce and my job are calling me and we're already three no make that four weeks behind due to the fact that we recived a truck on inventory -_- and I was gone because the other freakin stores in our area buckled under the damned presure and only started preparing for their inventory a week in advance thus their lazy asses having to pull in other employees from other stores to do their freakin work, I had to do that for two damned weeks and it was hell while my store was falling behind. Why is it that the nice guys always get screwed over in the end -_- I just know Hikari won't do that to me and that makes me happy.
I'm gonna finish it here before I start screaming and throwing things in real time.
*sigh* as Kites says, "May the grace of the Twilight Dragon be with you."
Current Mood: mixed for the worse
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04:18 pm
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Full Metal Panic Fumoffu
I usually take the same quiz two times >.> I got Sosuke twice... so ^^
:~*Sosuke Sagara*~: aka: The trigger-happiest
S.O.B. you've ever seen.
XD So you're Sosuke... You've got some serious
problems with common sense and always use the
logic you've learned as a mercenary your whole
life to make decisions in even the most
ridiculous of situations. Although you tend to
make Kaname angry with you at times and get
whacked with that awesome paper fan, you never
learn the errors of your actions and often make
the same mistake repeatedly. You don't hesitate
in firing at any opponent, whether it be a gang
of Yakuza or a harmless puppy that happened to
be in the wrong place at the wrong time... Get
it through your thick head: guns are not
allowed in school. But you do have a good
side... you... ehhhh... erm... nevermind ^_^
Which Full Metal Panic? FUMOFFU Character are you?
brought to you by Quizilla
:~*Student Body President Hayashimizu*~:
You are cool and are one of the few people able to
keep Sosuke and Kaname in line; they have to
listen to everything that you tell them to do.
You usually try to see the easiest way out of a
situation and most convenient for you. Not to
mention that folding fan you have, which is
your trademark character trait. People always
listen to you, either because they have to or
because they believe in your sense of
judgement.
Which Full Metal Panic? FUMOFFU Character are you?
brought to you by Quizilla
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